Without Trust
by Reklar
Summary: One-shot. Shepard has an unexpected reunion with Ashley Williams after surviving the Suicide Mission. With Tali at his side, tempers flair and explanations are in order, from both sides. Post Mass Effect 2, MShepard/Tali - MShepard/Ashley.


A/N: This story takes place at some point after the end of Mass Effect 2, with a male Shepard who romanced Ashley in the first installment and Tali in the second.

Without Trust

"Shepard! Hey, Skipper!"

Shepard and Tali stopped, both looking around a moment before seeing that the source of the enthusiastic voice was coming their way, half-skipping as she wended her way through the crowded ward, a big smile and shining eyes regarding them warmly.

"Ash?" Shepard watched disbelievingly as none other than Ashley Williams finally reached them and practically launched herself at Shepard, hugging him fiercely.

"It's so good to see you!" Ashley exclaimed brightly as she disengaged from Shepard, holding him at arm's length and studying him as if she hadn't seen him in a lifetime, then released him and turned her attention to Tali. "And you too, Tali! How've you been? Did you complete your Pilgrimage?"

Shepard smiled tentatively. "It's uh, it's good to see you too, Ash."

"Y-yes, it's good to see you, Chief Williams, I'm fine." Tali stammered a little, her body language clearly conveying surprise. "And yes, I did complete my Pilgrimage, thanks to the Geth data that Shepard gave me."

"That's great! I'm so happy for you," Ashley continued, hugging her quickly. Tali seemed a bit uncomfortable at the sudden display of affection, but she returned it graciously.

Turning back to Shepard, Ashley's smile maintained its luminescence. "I'm so glad to see you! I was worried about you, and I prayed you'd make it back safely from your mission. Now that you're here we should celebrate!"

Shepard raised an eyebrow, his look quizzical.

Ashley's smile dimmed. "Is there something wrong, Skipper? You don't exactly seem thrilled to see me."

Shepard hesitated a moment, caught off guard by the sudden shift in tone. "Well, I have to admit that I'm a little confused by the reception, Ash. The last time I saw you…," Shepard tried to find a diplomatic way to express his feelings regarding the greeting he'd received on Horizon, and the subsequent message. "…wasn't exactly cordial." He finished awkwardly.

Ashley blushed slightly and nodded. "Uh, yeah, I remember." She chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry about that, and believe me, I've been thinking a lot about it since then."

"I can imagine," Tali muttered. Shepard glanced her way at the utterance, but said nothing.

"Look, Skipper, I'd like to talk to you about that actually. That is, if you have the time." Ashley asked somewhat sheepishly as she glanced in Tali's direction.

Tali shook her head slightly, but made no comment other than to say to Shepard, "I'll wait outside the café for you."

"Thanks Tali, I appreciate it," Ashley replied, her words genuinely grateful.

Shepard nodded to Tali, their hands touching briefly, and motioned Ash to a nearby alcove out of the way of the crowd, not far from the café. Ashley eyed Shepard's contact with Tali skeptically, but said nothing until they reached the alcove.

"What was that all about?" she queried, a slight edge to her voice.

Shepard's eyebrow quirked. "What was what about?"

Ashley nodded towards where Tali stood, several meters away. "You know, that touching hands thing."

Shepard sighed. "Look, Ash, it's nice to see you, and I'm glad you seem to be doing well, but what did you want to talk about?"

Ashley's face registered momentary hurt, then confusion. "Skipper, what's going on? Is there something I should know about you and Tali?"

"And if there is?" Shepard asked calmly. "Does that mean something to you?"

"What the hell kind of answer is that, Shepard?" Ashley exclaimed defensively. "Are you trying to tell me that I'm wasting my time talking to you? That I don't matter to you anymore?"

"I didn't say that, Ashley, and you know it." Shepard replied, his expression guarded.

"Well it sure as hell looks like it to me," she retorted, hurt and anger beginning to creep into her voice. "Decided to have a little fun on the side? See what it's like to be with an alien?"

Shepard's brow lowered. "That was uncalled for, Williams."

"Oh! It's Williams now, is it?" There was a split-second pause as Ashley snorted derisively. "What is _wrong_ with you Shepard? I thought I meant something to you! I thought we had something special that night before Ilos. And now…," Ashley stammered, her right hand waving in front of her wildly, the motions in concert with her words, her eyes flashing rejection, longing, and anger. "…and now you're banging the Quarian!"

"Chief Williams, stand down!" Shepard snapped, a scowl instantly darkening his features.

"The hell I will, _Commander_!" Ashley fired back.

Shepard stepped forward, his face now just inches from Ashley's, his voice measured and cold. "You don't get to claim the moral high ground on this one, Ash."

"The moral high ground? What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"This has nothing to do with Tali and you know it!" Shepard growled fiercely.

Ashley stared at him in disbelief, the pitch of her voice nearing a shriek. "Are you _kidding_? She has _everything_ to do with it!"

"If you want to vent your anger at someone you direct it at me, Ash." Shepard glared menacingly as he continued. "That's who you want to blame anyway. But don't you _ever_ slight Tali. Do I make myself clear?"

Shepard's tone left no room for ambiguity, it was as much a threat as it was a warning, but Ashley blundered on, oblivious to everything but the heartbreak and rejection she was feeling, and, if she had admitted it to herself, the sense she had already passed the point of no return.

"Two _years_, Alex!" Ashley's voice was still angry, but it was slipping towards pleading as she tried to rebuild a connection to their relationship by using his given name. "Two years and not a single word from you; I cried myself to sleep more nights than I care to remember, and I never stopped mourning you! Why? Why couldn't you at least let me know you were alive? Why did I have to find out from Anderson, and that you were working for _Cerberus_?"

Shepard's face contorted into a mask of tightly controlled fury, but the compartmentalized anger, pain, and rejection he had felt since Horizon ripped through him like a volcanic eruption.

"_Because I_ was_ dead, Ash!_"

The torrent of feelings now unleashed, Shepard couldn't stop the words pouring from his mouth, his voice strained in an effort not to yell at the top of his lungs.

"The Alliance, the Council, no one even bothered to _look _for me! No one except Liara! They just declared me dead and proceeded to tear down everything we did to stop Sovereign and warn them about the Reapers! They swept it all under the rug so they could go back to the same old politics!"

Shepard was still scowling, but the heat in his words dissipated nearly as quickly as it had arrived, and he stepped back to a normal conversational distance.

"I didn't survive the destruction of the Normandy, Ash! I was blown away from it right after Joker's pod ejected. I had to watch the Collectors cut her apart…like she was nothing."

His words lost intensity as he continued to recollect his own death, but they took on a somber, almost anguished, tone.

"My suit was damaged, venting air; I suffocated to death as I fell to the planet. I wasn't even lucky enough to black out before I started to feel my skin blister from the heat of re-entry. I still wake up some nights, drenched in sweat, reliving every moment of it."

Ashley's face paled as the anger drained from her. "I didn't know. Oh God, Alex, I didn't know!"

The memory passed, and Shepard's mien took on its usual passive appearance. "It was Cerberus that brought me back, Ash. Not the Council, not the Alliance. Cerberus. They recognized the threat the Reapers represent and they brought me back to stop their pawns, the Collectors. I didn't join Cerberus, I just used their resources to put an end to the abductions, and the deaths…," a shadow passed over his face as he paused, "…the deaths of our colonists. I've severed ties with Cerberus now that the mission is over."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this, Skipper?" Ashley pleaded, wishing repeatedly that she had stopped to think, to listen to him back on Horizon, before condemning him.

Shepard's face hardened again. "Because you refused to give me the chance, Ash! You just heard I was involved with Cerberus and proceeded to call me a traitor in everything but name! You turned your back on me when I needed you most, Ash; walked away from me when a little understanding and comfort could have gone a long way."

"But Shep…Alex!" It was a desperate play destined to fail, but Ashley gambled with it anyway. "I told you I was sorry, that I overreacted and wanted to start over when you came back! I never meant for you to think…" Ashley's eyes reflected the fear she was feeling, the excuse had sounded feeble even as she had said it, but she couldn't take it back now. She knew the heart-crushing words that would come next, and she knew nothing she said would bring back the intimacy they had once shared. She felt tears tugging at the corners of her eyes, waiting for a crack in the emotional dam she had constructed to split wide open, allowing them to pour out across the barren plains of her cheeks.

"I can forgive your anger, Ash. I can even forgive the harsh words." Shepard paused, his face no longer stony, merely reliving the emptiness that he had felt those nights spent in solitude, wishing for the woman he had fallen in love with; the warrior, the poet, the light holding back the darkness that had threatened to engulf his heart and rob him of hope. With a deep sigh, he finished his thought. "But what I can't forget is you not trusting me. Without trust, there can't be love, Ash."

The tears Ashley had managed to hold back began to rain down upon her cheeks, and her voice cracked as she reached for Shepard. "I was wrong! I realized that after Horizon! Please, just give me another chance. I won't let you down, I promise!"

Shepard shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry Ash, I can't. I moved on. I had to just to survive. Tali stood by me from the moment we met on Freedom's Progress, even knowing I was involved with Cerberus, knowing that the Quarians have every reason to hate them and everyone associated with them. She faced charges of treason, lost her father to the Geth, and still entrusted me with her fate by letting me speak for her at her trial, knowing that she could be exiled from the Fleet forever if I failed to state her case well enough to sway the Admiralty Board. She stood by me when I led the final assault on the Collector's base, helped me rescue the Normandy's crew, and supported me when I chose to defy the Illusive Man and destroy the base and all its technology; technology that could have helped fight the Reapers on their own terms."

Ashley's arm returned limply to her side, tears still streaming, and she found she could not speak, her mind gone numb at the overwhelming events that Shepard had gone through with Tali, events that she could have been a part of if only she hadn't let pride get in the way of her heart. She had lost him by no fault of anyone other than herself, and a more worthy, more steadfast woman had taken her place. She wiped her eyes clear and looked past Shepard, watching Tali talking to a human woman and offering directions. The woman smiled and thanked Tali, waving as she departed. Tali looked their way and her head tilted slightly, then nodded in apparent understanding. Despite herself, Ashley found a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth, and she looked back to Shepard, his eyes once again masked against his feelings, but not unkind.

Ashley sniffled a little, wiped at her eyes again, and realized that, for the first time since his death, she could finally let him go. Her heart still ached, and she knew it would take time to reconcile the feelings she had for him with the new situation, but at least now an end was in sight. She could handle this, she was a Williams, and that meant knowing when to choose practicality, and when to choose stubbornness. Now that she could think clearly again she new that he was right, she had retreated when she should have charged ahead, and she understood that now. She'd lost him to a better woman, fair and square, and it was time that she admitted it.

Ashley hugged Shepard tightly. "I understand, Skipper." Another sniffle, another tear wiped away. "And for what it's worth, I truly am sorry. I'm glad you're happy though, you deserve it. Tali is a wonderful woman and I wish both of you the best."

Shepard smiled warmly as they parted from the embrace, and his emerald green eyes shone with genuine affection. "I'm sorry too, Ash, and I know that what you went through wasn't easy." His head tilted slightly as he examined her face carefully, seeming to measure something.

"I know it's an awkward thing to ask, especially right now, but…" he paused a moment, looking uncertain, but hopeful. "…can I still consider us friends?"

The little smile on Ashley's face grew, taking on a familiar glow. She nodded curtly. "The best, sir."

Shepard chuckled lightly, obviously relieved. "I'm not with the Alliance anymore, Ash, you don't have call me sir."

Ashley shook her head gently, the smile remaining. "You'll always be my Skipper, sir. You tell me to jump, I ask how high. You tell me to kiss a turian, I ask which cheek."

A huge grin broke over Shepard's face and he laughed. "Understood, Chief."

Ashley suddenly felt herself awash in a feeling of complete contentment, the resentment and fear she'd been holding onto for so long finally melting away. She hadn't lost Shepard, not really, he'd always be in her heart, and now that the painful work of mending what was once broken was through, she could live again. The smile adorning her face wouldn't go away anytime soon, it couldn't, not with her spirits soaring free after so long spent grounded; it was time to set a new course.

Ashley took Shepard by the arm and waved to Tali, leading them towards her. "C'mon, Skipper. You two have some stories that need telling, and we all have some celebrating to do. The drinks are on me!"


End file.
